Sometimes you just need quiet. You need everyone to either read a book or use headphones for music, movies, and games. If they’re not going to do that, you need them to go away. Then there are those people you just want to go away because they’re unpleasant. Run everyone who gets on your nerves for any reason off by playing one of these songs….the five most irritating songs ever recorded.
Rupert Holmes: Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
Everything about this song puts me off. Holmes’ vocals sound like the drunk guy in the corner who finally gave in to his friends’ taunts at karaoke night. The music sounds like it belongs to an ad for something that absorbs liquid quickly. Then there are the lyrics. The song starts out with a man casually planning to cheat on his wife via the personal ads because, hey…he’s bored. He quickly finds an ad that sounds like a hot girl for an affair, answers it, and plans to meet his new dream girl at a bar and run away with her. The new dream girl turns out to be his wife, who placed the ad to cheat on him. They live happily ever after. Because nothing is a better predictor of a great future than planning to cheat on each other. No underlying issues there.
Andrew Gold: Thank You for Being a Friend
I am far from the greatest singer in the world. My voice is good enough to entertain the audience through a single song at an open mic, or join in on a track or two on someone else’s album. I can sing, but I’ve got nothing anyone would want to sit and listen to for a full ten songs. Compared to Andrew Gold on this track, I sound like Diana Krall. Listening to a cover of the song doesn’t make it any better, thanks to the cheesy lyrics and annoying melody.
Bobby Goldsboro: Honey
At least this song doesn’t sound like a reluctant partygoer singing over a commercial jingle like the first two. Bobby Goldsboro doesn’t have the greatest voice, but he at least sounds like he might have practiced the song a time or two. The problem is that it doesn’t sound much like a song. The lyrics sound like he’s trying to sing a short story.
Biz Markie: Just a Friend
Biz Markie’s singing voice is worse than Andrew Gold’s and Rupert Holmes’ voices put together. I’ve always assumed the chorus of this song was supposed to like a nerve grating wail, because I can’t imagine his manager letting him sing when he truly sang that badly. The rapped portion of the song doesn’t get any better. The girl he’s pining for is referred to as “blah blah blah” and the features that stood out when he first met her were her short mini skirt and long hair. The entire experience of listening to the song is so unpleasant, I don’t even feel sorry for the main character/narrator when he gets cheated on by “blah blah blah” in the end.
Gotye: Somebody That I Used to Know
The lyrics of this song hold promise. If I read them, I would fully expect to like the song. It tells the story of a man who is glad that his relationship ended, but hurt that his ex has cut him out of her life instead of remaining friends. Remaining friends with an ex is almost never a good idea in my opinion, but it’s an original storyline for a song. Most breakup songs are either about longing to have the person back, or wishing the person could be pushed off the face of the earth. The tone of this song is what makes me unable to listen to the entire thing most of the time. The slow techno beat of the music, and soft, plaintive singing combine to give the impression that the narrator/main character is a stalker lurking outside the ex’s window, rather than a safe person feeling stung that the ex wouldn’t add him on Facebook or email to catch up every few months.
These five are far from my only disliked songs, but they are my top picks for those moments when you need to work on your project in peace and want to clear out a room.